And they called it puppy loooooooove. But that’s enough about the ongoing relationship between Wymondham Town Council and your beloved columnist. It’s once more time to take a walkies around everything the local authority’s been up to from December to February.
So put on your boots, grab a lead and get ready to have news shaken all over you, for legal reasons, it’s a Town Council Watch: Cruf...Dog Show special.
Poop bags at the ready.
Do Something, Smuttley
Now, maybe TCW just isn’t the most mature of local democracy pundits but December’s meeting seemed particularly packed with innuendos.
First we had councillors asking for minutes to be corrected, due to a typo referencing a new “bust stop” in town.
“We’re not that kind of town” one said, picking up the racy error with a plastic bag and popping it in a red bin.
Shame though. TCW says nothing should be off the table with this town centre improvement project.
Then we had Cllr Alex Perry (Lab) praising the new bawdily-named “Alleyway of The Arts” in town.
The nice-enough new scheme has seen an otherwise unwelcoming passageway near Bateman’s spruced up with frames featuring the excellent work of local artistic talent - even if it does have a Carry On worthy name.
TCW might have to go and have a good old look up the Alley of the Arts soon.
Spike & Subscribe
It’s been a funny old eleven months since the Town Council decided to shut off their YouTube streaming, due to “negative coverage” in local media affecting councillors’ “wellbeing”.
Even after checking themselves into the doggy sanctuary for a digital detox, the move did nothing to stop good old TCW reporting word-by-word accounts of the council’s meetings, even the behind-closed-doors parts.
And the council has since found itself hounded by Freedom Of Information requests to view video recordings it was keeping for minute taking purposes.
In December, it was time to decide what to do. And with the council getting heat about stopping people with accessibility issues watching online, Cllr Lucy Nixon (Lib Dem) had a suggestion:
“[]...that the meetings are live streamed so that people that can’t watch here for whatever reason can watch at home. But that there isn’t a recording, it’s not kept online. That’s what District [Council] do. It’s live streamed. But when the meeting ends, that is gone.”
How would that help? She continued:
“[]...not having the videos may make it slightly harder for people to sit there and rewind and listen word-to-word what we say”
Phew. Got that quote correct eventually. Sorry, had to rewind a couple of times to get it word for word.
“We might actually be able to actually show we are transparent. We don’t have anything to hide. And that a lot of what’s been written has been absolute RUBBISH!”
“There’s a lot of disinformation, there’s a lot of downright lies about what happens in these meetings.”
The proposal means anyone wanting to watch the council’s meetings will now have to know when they are happening and tune in live.
Unless someone screen records them all and reposts them online of course...
Cllr Lowell Doheny (Lab) summed up most people’s feelings on the 11-month streaming psychodrama, saying: “We’ve discussed this a few times now” and that now he hoped the council could “put it to bed for a while at least.”
Oh, TCW is sure this sleeping dog will definitely now be allowed to lie.
Best In Show
Moving to January, and a by-election to appoint a new district councillor meant the Wymondham public were treated to the spectacle of multiple town councillors being paraded around the ring, showing off their glossiest coats for votes.
No fewer than four of the five candidates came from the notorious Ketts Park talent breeding kennels.
Vying to be top dog were Cllrs Paul Barrett (Greenhound), Jonathan Purle (Bull Toryer), Steve Witt (Liberadoodle) and last but not least Lowell Doheny (Labour-poo).
God I’m good at this.
The only non-town councillor to run was an Anthony Spears sporting a turquoise rosette (Faragist Lapphund).
Too good.
The contest was won by the happy-go-lucky Jonathan Purle, who was as effervescent as a puppy with a ball at the result on Facebook, enthusing:
“I have not enjoyed a single day of this campaign”
Addaboy.
In The Dog House
Cllr Suzanne Nuri-Nixon’s (Lib Dem) ears pricked up in January after noticing a peculiar looking payment for £180 to repair a headstone at the Town Council’s cemetery.
“Is that something the council does? If someone’s headstone has been damaged, do we then repair it for them?” the South Wymondham lady collared the Clerk.
“Usually we don’t. But in specific, erm, y’know, sometimes we have to…” explained the Clerk sporting a hangdog expression. “Because it’s been damaged by.. perhaps… ourselves”.
Whoopsie. Bungling workers there leaving a surprise on the council’s lawn.
Pedigree Chums
It was great news for two local charities in January, after it was revealed that Mayor Dave Roberts’ vanity charity Christmas concert had raised a very useful £1400.
The haul was quite the relief, after Cllr Roberts had taken to Facebook just days before the event to warn it could be cancelled due to lack of ticket sales.
Oh. They should have advertised it in Wymondham Magazine or something.
Fortunately, it soon emerged that Wymondham pizza outlet Caprinos had swooped in to save the day and bail out the concert with a few hundred pounds of sponsorship. And the corporate intervention wasn’t finished there either:
“As I work for Aviva, a match funding has now gone in for a further £1000, so it’s looking about £700 per charity has been raised from that event.”
Well, float me happy, dear reader.
Having once bemoaned the town’s Christmas event ‘Wynterfest’ for allowing “commercialism to take over” and digital bus stop adverts as an overreach of capitalism, the Town Council’s newfoundland love affair with the benevolent power of business is heartening for TCW to witness.
We’re all on a journey, dear reader.
Hounded Out
With the Town Council banning local hunting group Dunston Harriers from convening on Market Place for their Boxing Day Hunt in 2024, Cllr Michael Rosen (Lab) ended January’s meeting by cocking his leg against any traditionalists in town:
“On the theme of encouraging people to come into town…[]...I happened to be in the town on Boxing Day, in the town centre. And I have to say what a much more pleasant experience it was in the absence of the baying and braying community.” he toasted.
Well if it’s encouraging people who don’t live in Wymondham any more to make the odd trip into town, then who is TCW to argue?
Sit! Staaaay!
February's main piece of business was to choose a design for a new bus shelter for the Co-op side of Market Place.
On offer were two custom designs produced by an architect, riffing on the town’s medieval architecture and history plus a third, more standard option.
Cllr Peter Broome (Con) wanted the plain design, fearing the others “didn't match the one we have at Savers.”
“You can’t name two buildings in Wymondham that are the same” came Cllr Paul Barrett’s (Green) retort, adding the custom design “shows that we value public transport. And it’s a bit of fun.”
But if anyone was on the fence about the whole thing, Cllr Dave Roberts (Lib Dem) soon had them willing to march into battle to make it happen, with the closest Wymondham Town Council has ever got to an I-Have-A-Dream-Moment:
“People I feel will come to look at this. People will want to get on a bus. People will want to sit at this bus stop to get a bus from this.” he panted excitedly.
“The station was used for a film called Brief Encounter. You can bet in future, this will feature in a film!” he said of the bus shelter.
Yes, TCW can see it now: “The Man Who Waited”, “The Queue Eternal”, “Once Upon A Timetable in Wymondham”. All proudly filmed at our plucky little neo-gothic, faux medieval bus shelter.
Cllr Julian Fulcher (Lib Dem) was in bubble bursting mode though:
“People keep calling it a bus stop. It’s actually a bus shelter. And it’s not where the buses stop.” he growled, stealing Dave’s squeaky sausages and pointing out the elaborate design would be placed with its back to Market Place:
“So it’s a back to front one, unlike any one I’ve seen...[]...You won’t be able to see it then. You’ll only be able to see the back of it.”
“It’ll be unique, yeah” said Dave. “Wymondham unique.”
Don’t worry. Film directors can do all sorts with special effects nowadays.
