Spring is sprung. The grass is riz. And TCW readers start to wonder where their quarterly updates is. Well here they is - covering December, January and February’s ever more climactic goings on at Wymondham Town Council.
Well someone’s got to make it sound like anything interesting’s been happening.
STAY ALERT > SAVE THE ALLOTMENTS > PROTECT THE TURNIPS
After Anglian Water told the Town Council they wanted their land back at the Chapel Lane allotment site - meaning the eviction of all plotholders - councillors in December set about finding a solution to what a council document retiringly dubbed: THE WYMONDHAM ALLOTMENT CRISIS.
Heavens.
Stepping back from declaring a full-on Allotment Emergency, the council instead set up a working group to look at finding a new site and helping plotholders move their pride and joys there, if and when a one was found.
Phew. With the Wymondham Allotment Crisis now contained, TCW can’t help but wonder if a crack action taskforce shouldn’t be assembled to address the Kett’s Park Soggy Pitch Cataclysm or the Creaky Swing Armageddon on King’s Head Meadow.
And you thought TCW was the one bringing tabloid sensationalism to Wymondham politics...
Waste Watchers
Back in January, alarm bells in TCW’s Waste Watchers department started a-jingling, after it emerged the Town Council had spent £550 on a troupe of dancing elves - in the same meeting they voted to raise their share of council tax.
The ensemble of Santa’s little twerkers - actual dance moves unknown - had apparently been hired to “add a sprinkle of musical silliness and a twinkle of joy” to the council’s Definitely-Not-WynterfestTM Xmas light switching on event, held back in December.
£550 for 3 hours prancing around dressed as an elf? TCW’s in the wrong game. Every man has his price.
TCW’s mole at the event gave a rave review of their performance: “I never saw them.”
Meanwhile, taxpayers were left with a twinkle of joy in their eyes, as the Town Council voted to up their share of council tax to £110.39 for Band D payers, in the same meeting the gyrating gnomes had their pay cheques signed off.
These poor councils. They’ve all had their budgets cut to the bone...
CLASSIFIED BUS STOP
Spare a thought for poor old TCW, who has been shut out of more and more Town Council business of late. The authority has the ability to exclude press and public from meetings, for items relating to confidential staff matters or ones that are commercially sensitive.
The latest topic deemed too hot for the public to handle? An update on a new bus stop outside the Co-op.
Quite right. Lord only knows what would happen if details of that got into Mr Putin’s hands, dear reader...
The road gritters of your dreams
County Councillor Robert Savage (Con) had the room eating out of the palm of his hands in December while revealing details of Norfolk County Council's new ice thwarting tech.
“For the first time, the gritters have a brand new state-of-the-art auto salting technology aided by satellite navigation” he said with due razzmatazz.
“Woooooooooooooh!” swooned town councillors, like an audience who’d just been shown Bully’s Star Prize.
Or at least, that’s how TCW read them side eyeing each other with faint amusement.
LETTERS TO HEAVEN...
The Town Council has installed a new ‘Letters To Heaven’ post box at the cemetery on, erm, Cemetery Lane. According to the council’s website, the cream coloured mail receptacle ‘aims to help the bereaved cope with their grief by giving them the chance to write and post letters, cards and drawings, to a lost loved one in a special post box.’
Bet you’re wincing to see where TCW goes with this then aren’t you? On we go...
Discussing the idea back in May, you’d be forgiven for wondering if councillors had full confidence in the idea:
Cllr Lowell Doheny (Lab) didn’t want to vote for it, saying: “I don’t think we know how many people want it”. He then cited a case in Ireland where such a box had been installed but then removed “after a bit of reaction from some of the residents who had family members buried there, who didn’t like it... for faith based reasons and tone reasons.”
Let’s hope no one rakes it up here and plants that seed in anyone’s head then...
A potential backlash then became something of a preoccupation in the room:
Cllr Suzanne Nuri-Nixon (Lib Dem) said “Unless we put one there, we don’t really know if there will be a backlash or not.” While Cllr Annette James (Lib Dem) posited: “If we do get a backlash, we could look at renaming it to something like Letters To Loved Ones We’ve Lost”.
The council’s press release iterated the idea initially came from a resident.
“I am so happy to see this installed before Christmas;” they said. “a time when many miss their loved ones even more than usual. I am sure it will bring comfort to people and I look forward to using it.”
Of course, being Wymondham Town Council, the new box comes complete with an obligatory passive aggressive note written in bold:
“This is NOT a Royal Mail post box so please do not place actual post here.”
Shame. There goes TCW’s plan to forward on all the SAGA brochures we get through for the late Mrs Ethel Pendelbury* who we bought our house off.
Another sign on the box has better news for the thrifty among us though:
“No need for a stamp or address.”
*Nice try offence brigade but TCW made dear old Ethel up. The people we bought our house off are alive and well, living in Oxfordshire. Back to the drawing board....
Dave’s Saturday Roast
Town and District Councillor Dave Roberts (Lib Dem) got more than he bargained for from the fearsome Wymondham electorate - over a social media post back in December.
Chief Inspector Roberts had seemingly been out with his hi-vis, clipboard and camera, snooping around the KJ’s Grill car park on Ayton Road, running number plates into the UK government website, to see if they were taxed.
“Is it a car and lorry park or a car sales yard?” he mysteriously posted in Wymondham Ways Uncut, alongside a photo of parked cars - triggering confused irritation among users:
“I'm guilty of parking there, didn't realise it's a crime worthy of the social media police”, said one. “Surely you have better things to do with your time?”
But it turned out Hercule Roberts was onto something, as others reported seeing a man using the public land as a free forecourt to sell cars from.
And he would have got away with it too, if it wasn’t for Cllr Dave.
But that wasn’t enough for one user who sensed some unnecessary showboating:
“It's such a small problem, really, one that's really easily resolved by reporting it to the respective authority and letting them do their jobs...” they said, before bemoaning: “jobsworths trying to score points when there are bigger issues that need to be resolved urgently”.
And there was more:
“Instead, you posted a really inaccurate vague, and frankly cryptic message on a social media platform that has clearly not got the 'look at me I'm doing great things' response that you were hoping for.”...“I have viewed your record, and you turn up for 75% of the meetings...that would be the same as me taking 64 sick days off during the working year.” the scolding completed.
Ouch. Can’t please them all Dave. Lord knows, TCW tries...
