When faced with a bereavement for the first time, we might naturally look to what grief experts have to say on the subject.
There are many different theories about grief and how we might work through it. These different theories can be helpful up to a point, but can sometimes become a stick with which to beat ourselves. We can be made to feel that we are not grieving ‘properly’ if we do not fit the formula set out by a grief model.
The truth is -
the only real expert on your grief is YOU.
Your grief is as unique to you as is your relationship with the person who has died. We all have different personalities and ways of responding that are unique to us.
We can think of grief as a tangled ball of wool. Emotionally, we can feel up and down, confused, angry, guilty, sad, relieved and as if we don’t know which way to turn. We can feel there is no way out and we can’t see the end.
It is important to remember that:
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
There is no set time period for grief.
Others may suggest that you should be ‘over it’ by now. However, we can continue to grieve for our loved ones for the rest of our lives. Initially, the grief is raw and all-consuming, but usually this does ease over time. We find a way to continue with life and the ‘new normal’. We will always think about them, love them and miss them, especially on particular days when their absence is more deeply felt.
My experience is that over time, grief becomes something that we learn to live alongside. I think of it as two parallel lines running alongside each other.
We do both at the same time.
In reality, the two are not separate but intertwined. We continue to grieve whilst also living life. We do not work through grief, come out the other side, then continue on as if nothing has happened.
In reality, we take the people we love with us as we move forward with life.
To find out more about joining one of Rosedale’s Bereavement Support Groups, call 01379 640810 or visit our website.
