As I write, the school summer holidays have just begun. For those who are bereaved, holidays may feel very different, especially when a partner has died.
When someone dies, there are many losses. The Primary loss is the death of the person themselves, but there are also many other Secondary losses. The types of losses felt will vary, depending on the relationship with that person. For example, when a close parent dies, the adult child may feel they have lost their best friend, advisor, mentor or shoulder to cry on in a crisis.
When a partner dies, it is often the practical everyday losses that hit the hardest, due to constant everyday reminders. That person may have played many different roles in the relationship, such as cook, cleaner, gardener, etc. Suddenly being responsible for all household tasks can feel extremely overwhelming.
Where there are children to care for, this now becomes the sole responsibility of the surviving parent, which can be a heavy burden to bear.
Many bereaved people say the biggest loss is often companionship: someone to watch TV with, talk about the day over dinner or go on holiday with. It is often the simple things we miss, such as making plans together, deciding what to eat for the week ahead or even just being together in companionable silence.
Though we can never replace that special person and the roles they played in our life, it can be helpful to think about who else could help to fill some of the gaps left behind. Perhaps there is a single friend who would also like to go on holiday or for a day trip? When a family member offers help with odd jobs or gardening, take them up on their offer. If you belong to a supportive church, friendship circle or community group, accept those invitations for coffee or lunch or maybe initiate an invitation yourself. Maybe contact an old friend you haven’t seen in a while and suggest a meet-up. Helping and supporting others can also provide purpose and ease the loneliness and isolation of grief.
It may feel difficult at first, but strengthening and developing our existing networks and building new ones can provide emotional support, practical help, companionship and connection.
When we have lost someone who brought so much to our life, connecting with others in a meaningful way can help to ease the burden of grief.
If you would like to join one of our bereavement groups in your area, visit rosedalefuneralhome.co.uk or call 01379 640 810 for more information. All groups are free and confidential.
